Annak, akit érdekel

I had a good morning cry today, followed by a small, silent one on my way back home. Good vibrations, eh? The one that made my eyes sweat around quarter past seven A.M. was "The fields of Athenry" performed by The Dubliners. Shit, I didn't even see it coming, just struck me like a bolt of lightning during a sudden spring thunderstorm.

Isn't it breathtaking? Even though this song has some political directions, it still makes my heart so heavy.

This "morning surprise" just made my day. Thoughts I once buried came back to surface, resulting in a kind of brainloop, I had no choice but to think about them over and over again.

Seems like they fade too slowly. But how could they fade faster? All that surrounds me reminds me of her. The pictures on the wall (either those with a red poppy on them, or that with a funny bear on it up on the loft), the furnitures we chose n' bought together, heck, even that fucking sign on the door with our names on it is made by her, both font and design, and of course both names are still on that fucking door... I use her DVD player any time I watch a movie, I eat the junk I buy on a tray full of bears, which she made me for christmas, not to mention the army of teddybears and other creatures, making me catch my breath every time I take a look at them, reminding me of the fact how much I have lost and how desperately I miss her sometimes. She was a partner and best friend in one, and still I have fucked things up in our lives not seeing how good it was until losing it all. I know I can't reverse all this, but I didn't think it will be this hard to go on alone.

Don't you fucking dare to say time has found a salve for every wound, cuz it's bullshit. Well, smells like bullshit at the current stage, at least. Seems like it will take months to get over this.

While thinking it through, my mp3-player started playing this song, making me turn on the waterworks once again:

Fuck it, I'm back to square one, again.